I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize