Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
