I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
