You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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