So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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