whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
