guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
