It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
