All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
