Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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