"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
