nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
