no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
