I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize