he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
