Yo dont text me then not text me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
