I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
