Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
