At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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