the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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