I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
