I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The air taste purple.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
