A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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