I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
