I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
