I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
