i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
