Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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