im having a threesome with these popsicles
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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