can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
