Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
bring money and cleavage
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
