How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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