Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
