there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
