my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
