My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
