It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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