I got chris browned last night
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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