i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
