just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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