Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
