Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize