You can't special order awesome
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
