What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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