Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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