I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
