She is in my trunk
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize