this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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