I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
