eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
