There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
