I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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