you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
