just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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