a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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