In the future we'll all be gay
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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