I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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