everyone is single if you try hard enough
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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