i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
