i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
