someone threw a dead crab at me
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
