what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
