guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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