Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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