the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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