i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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