I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
