he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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