I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
