you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
