she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
