Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
