i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
