I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
