i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
True strength comes from lack of pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
