so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
