I'm gonna have a badass scar
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
